When I'm not writing

When I'm not writing my mind is in a funny state. I wish I could be as tranquil as the peace statue, but I feel more like the West Pier: a wreck.

When I'm not writing I'm letting my emotions control me. When there's no frame to my days with planned writing hours my life is spinning out of control. My need for engaging with people gets bigger and I end up in situations I don't want to be in ... Quite often alcohol is involved.

When I'm not working on my novel I feel incapable of doing any other writing. It's like the creative part of my brain dies. But tonight I forced myself to write about something that has been on my mind for the better part of August and I felt an immense relief. I didn't write it because I want to prove anything or because I wanted to show it to anyone. I wrote it simply because I needed to release and express my emotions somehow. It doesn't matter that it'll never turn into a story. I kept my fingers moving. It reminds of why I became a writer in the first place: a need to make sense of myself and the world.

The current situation with Replacing Angel is this:
*Person1 who is a professional editor is going to read the manuscript and give very detailed feed back on everything from grammar to plot problems.
*Person2 who is just about to sign a contract with a publisher is going to bring the manuscript on holiday and pretend its a "real" book and then report back what he remembers of it.
*Person3 is reading it at the moment and has already reported that it flows well. In exchange I'm reading her novel in progress. (This is not a detailed reading, the focus is on the general feel and structure of the novel.)
*Person4 who is one of my very best friends is going to read it and tell me what it is I'm trying to say or is failing to say. (She always knows when I'm faking it.)

A big, big THANK YOU to everybody else who's offered to read Replacing Angel. I might get back to you, but at the moment I think I've got enough "eyes" on my novel ...

My plan is to start the 4th draft of Replacing Angel in October. But don't worry. I won't spend a month drinking and getting into emotional states ... In September I'll be busy doing promotional stuff for my first novel in Sweden and Denmark.

p.s. When I'm not writing I borrow books from the library like CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN SEVEN DAYS. When I'm not writing I take more showers. When I'm not writing I'm totally and utterly confused.