Zoo Gun 91

Absurd? Bizarre? Surreal? Avantgarde? I love it when I'm unable to label something. It means it's original.

Yesterday I went to Zoo Gun 91 (normally called Glue Gun 91) hosted by The Young Hanoverians a.k.a. Chris Parkinson/Polymath/Rufus Moonshine & Amy Atkins/Gimley Whipple/Morag (excuse me if I forgot any names).

As I've been to Glue Gun 91 before, I knew it was worth going, even if I only got four hours sleep before, was in a bad mood and was facing a moral dilemma.

Glue Gun 91 is the kind of event that will alter your state of mind. It's impossible to be bored when swans die, bears dance, people have sex with dolphins and when there's a trial because a whale has been bereft of half its body. The housebound house band for the evening was the Land of Pointlessness (see first pic) that performed songs/raps about their cat.

The best moments are not captured in pictures though. I was too busy enjoying myself!

Last week I went to see A Bedroom Farce at Theatre Royal, but the day after I'd already forgotten about it. Glue Gun 91 is a perfect example that you can be thoroughly entertained by (not yet) famous people, and without paying a fortune.

It's inspiring to see how people like Chris & Amy put so much love and creative effort into what they're doing, making props and stage outfits. It's worth coming to Glue Gun 91 just for their original way of announcing breaks and encouraging the audience to clap and cheer.

Currently there's no fixed date for the next Glue Gun 91, but look them up on Facebook and join their group!

To write on a theme and stick to a word count

Most of my short stories I've thought up out of the blue and written without deciding how long they were going to be beforehand. This is fine if you're writing for yourself or are so established that you are getting collections published.

Most magazines or competitions have rules though. You're supposed to write on a theme or at least stick to a word limit. When I started writing I hated that concept. I wanted to be free to write any stories I wanted, and make them how short or how long I wanted them to be.

Now I find it quite exciting to brain-storm around a theme. It takes me to places I didn't know before. It makes me write things I wouldn't normally have written.

I've been working on a story for almost two weeks, inspired by an exercise in the excellent book Short Circuit - a guide to the short story, edited by Vanessa Gebbie. The exercise was about setting. First you were supposed to describe a room in your house, pretending you saw it for the first time. Then you were supposed to place a person in the room whose mood reflected the mood of the room. Lastly you were supposed to introduce another character and through dialogue reveal their relationship to each other. I combined this exercise with an idea I got from reading a message on my radiator, left by a previous lodger.

I have no idea where to send this story, but a lot of competition/magazines have a word limit of 2000 words so I decided to aim for that. When the story was finished I had 2350 words. I had no idea how to cut it, but leaving it a few days and getting back to it, I could easily shorten the story to 1950 words. The advantage with a word limit is that you learn how to cut out the crap. At least if you're a novelist like me and are used to waffling and having space. It might be harder if you're a flash fiction writer and feeling forced to add words ... (Normally there's no lower word limit, but I suspect it's hard to win a competition with a 300 word piece. There a exceptions though. Tania Hershman is a master when it comes to short short stories.)

Next story I'm going to work on is for the Asham Award. The word limit is 4000 words, which is not a problem. The problem is that, unlike other years, they have a theme this year. And the theme is ghosts. I've never written a ghost story in my life, so this will be a real challenge ...

When you get a rejection ...

... make sure you have a good friend and chocolate cake nearby!

Today I had something exciting in the post, or so I thought. There was a slip from the post on the door mat, telling me I had to pick up a letter and pay for it as the sender had not put on enough postage. Immediately I thought of my friend Sara in Sweden, who sometimes sends me books or just ultra thick letters. I was quite looking forward to picking it up, was even happy to pay the £1.70.

But when I got to the post place and was handed the letter I recognised my own handwriting. A self-addressed envelope I had included with a submission. First I thought it had to do with a poetry submission I'd just done for fun and didn't care that much about, then it dawned on me the letter was from a publisher I had contacted directly and really wanted to get published by.

This is is:

"Many thanks for submitting REPLACING ANGEL for our consideration. I’m sorry to report we will be passing on this title. I noted with interest your previous publishing experience in Sweden – I think your English prose is not quite strong enough yet, however I think that will come with time. My advice would be to keep on practicing writing in English and try to really make the prose come alive on the page. Do keep us in mind for your next novel in English."

I thought about going straight to the nearest pub that happened to be the Station by Hove Station and sit there all day and drink and tell commuters and other random people about my tragedy. Luckily I'd already arranged to have lunch at my friend Saskia's place. (Thank you for saving me!!!) She said all the right things and treated me to a slice of chocolate cake and I felt a little bit better.

The afternoon was spent in some kind of daze. And now it's evening and I've coloured my hair, as I usually do when I want to feel better. I also looked at another rejection letter from an agent:

"I thought that there was much to admire here, in particular your prose style, but I’m afraid that I did not quite feel that all-important connection with your work that I know is vital in this industry, but please do not give up. There are as many opinions out there as there are agents, and a full list of them can be found at www.bloomsbury.com/writersarea/AgentsUK.asp.
With best wishes and good luck in your future endeavours"

So once again it goes to show that decisions in the publishing business are quite subjective ... I had my manuscript proof-read by a professional editor, so if someone thinks that my prose is not strong enough it has nothing to do with being Swedish I don't think ... Especially as the agent above said that he admired my prose style.

Yet the letter I received today really, really hurt. It was a massive decision to write in English when I already had success in Sweden, and now I can't help thinking "what if". I followed my heart instead of my head ...

But no, I won't despair. Somewhere out there I know there's an agent who'll like both my story and my style of prose. Maybe I'll have an acception letter tomorrow. Who knows?

A Different View

No, I'm not going to talk about POINT OF VIEW in writing. I'm going to write about that sometimes writers need a different view so they can relax and re-energise.

I'm the kind of person who find it hard to have a proper holiday. I often think that I should/could be doing something like writing a poem or at least reading a short story and analyse it.

This weekend I decided to take a mini-break. I went very far. I went to Chichester, 45 min down the road on the train. I spent the Saturday checking out Pallant Art Gallery, St Martin's Tea Room, The Cathedral and Wests bar. I stayed in an unexciting, but clean room at the summer empty university campus.

After a deluxe breakfast on Sunday I took off for my main goal: West Wittering Beach. Beautiful. But windy and overcast. The sun didn't show its face until I came to the bus stop, so I had a meal and a pint in the gardens of the Old House at Home pub before heading back to Brighton&Hove.

I don't know what I was hoping to find, but when I came home I felt much calmer than I have in long time. As if I was living more in the elusive "now". I did a bit of journal writing, wrote a long letter to a friend in Sweden and read Amanda Smyth's Black Rock (A fantastic book that I came across last Sunday at Ace Stories at Hotel Pelirocco where Amanda read from her coming-of-age novel set in Tobago & Trinidad.)

But apart from the above activities I didn't force myself to do anything creative and today, Monday, my day has felt less rigid and more organic. I've done some writing, and thinking and analytic reading, but I've enjoyed it very much. Especially as I was lying on the beach burning my bum cheeks at the same time! (West Wittering Beach might be more sandy, but the beach in Hove is pretty good too and I had a swim without having to amputate my toes after.)

Good News: My story "I'm from further North than you" (based on a song by the band the Wedding Present) was chosen as one of the stories to be read at the Edge of the Sea Festival (where Short Fuse stories will appear) at Concorde2 in August! (Thank you very much Brian M, Tim P & James B for feedback!)

A Season For Short Stories

There's a season for eveything. A season for Dr Martens and a season for Birkenstocks. A season for novels. A season for short stories.

The weather has made me change my working habits. I find it impossible to work inside on my laptop when the sun is shining, and taking the laptop out is not a good option as the light is not good for the screen and the battery runs out quite quickly. So this is my new method.

1. The evenings are used for brainstorming and writing up rough first draft of short stories that I print.
2. In the morning I read through the print out over breakfast in the garden and make notes.
3. I carry on in the garden or move to the beach where I go through the story more thoroughly, adding and taking away things. Writing new paragraphs in my note book, answering questions about plot and character etc.
4. Sun fun sun fun. (unfortunately quite often interrupted by my day job)
5. When the sun goes down I type up my changes and print it again.
6. When the sun goes up I do another read through, aloud this time in the garden after breakfast. (Not being half as embarrassing as my neighbour on the other side of the fence who talks to her dog!)
7. Using up the battery power and abusing my laptop screen with sunshine I do some final editing in the garden and then I send it off to someone for feedback or if I feel super confident I send it off to a competition or a magazine. If I decide to go for feedback I'll repeat some of the above points ...

I can already feel that I'm becoming a better novelist by writing short stories. If I worked as hard on every chapter as I do on every short story I'd be a bestseller :). Short stories take so much concentration and focus. You can't get away with any waffling! I've decided to dedicate a year (started in late February) to the art of the short story before I start another novel.

New Poem: 2

CLICK HERE TO READ MY LATEST POEM

A Writer Needs to Learn to be Alone

When I did the creative writing course at "Jakan" in Stockholm we did a field trip to Norstedts - one of Sweden's biggest publishing companies. What I remember the most is that the editor who showed us around said that in order to become a writer you need to learn to be alone.

When I was younger being alone was my natural state. (In my early teens I didn't have many friends and spent my time afternoons and evenings doing homework, reading and writing.) I was also alone when I first moved to Stockholm and when I first moved to Brighton and when I lived in Thailand and New Zealand. Durings these spells of loneliness I started or worked intensly on novels.

As I got older and more confident I made more friends, and nowadays I have to force myself to be alone. Brighton is a very sociable place and is great for sparking off your imagination. Brighton is also a great distraction.

This week I did a bit of an experiment. I made squares in my diary when I had time off and put "Lou" in the squares to remind me that this week I'm going to spend time with myself. It proved succesful.

First I had itchy fingers and wanted to text everybody in my address book and suggest beers and on the beach. Then I realised that I'm fully capable of having a beer on the beach on my own. Because it's in my own company, when I create reflection time for myself that I come up with ideas and feel creative. I love sitting on the beach or in a cafe with my notebook and write down random thoughts and allow myself to let my mind wander. Then I go home and transfer some of my thoughts to the computer, seeing if anything could make it into a short story.

The result this week:
*I worked on CLEANING IN LINGERIE - a story for the Bridport Prize
*I wrote a piece called THE ART OF MISSING ROXANNE
*I started a story about my death and loss
*I started a story about a pillow fight
*I worked on a story for the Short Fuse Edge of the Sea festival event
*I worked on a story that was called TOUCH ME LIKE YOU WOULD TOUCH HIM and renamed it. It's now called THE PARTY IS OVER.

Sometimes my scheduled writing time in the morning before I go to the library is not enough. To come up with new ideas I often need evenings and weekend to float about in. The mornings are great for getting on with things, a bit like an office job: right today I'm going to work on this story kind of thing. Whereas evenings and weekends are better for coming up with free ideas and do some wild writing. I have to remind myself not to fill every evening and every weekend with other people. I need to re-learn to be alone.*



*A lot of people who are alone watch TV or do housework. TIP: throw out the TV, ignore the dirt and be creative instead!

My debut as a film actress ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ulf16AsaoUo

Video made by Tim Pieraccini , based on the poem "If" by Yahia Lababidi.


I really like the idea of making videos for poems. It shoudn't be reserved for music!

My Weekend in Pictures

Caroline of Brunswick was one of the few pubs where you could escape the football Friday ...



Saturday night and ready to go to the Are you sitting comfortably? Pyjama Party event (more pics below)



The actor Gareth Brierly is reading my story Relax Johnny-Boy, have some fun!



Kate and James are enjoying the midnight ice-cream feast. Apart from short story-readings there were also short films, games like pass the parcel and a price for the person who wrote down the best nightly dream.



Photo: Jeff Sheppard. On Sunday I performed at the brilliant event Everybody's Got To Be Somewhere (curated by Ben Graham) at the Prince Albert pub. To my surprise there was another Swedish poet: Andreas Grant.



Sunday evening and chilling out on the beach with my friend Mattias Kalander (a composer from North of Sweden) who spent the weekend with me. I met Mattias eleven years ago. On the internet. This was the first time we met in real life!

How to create suspense in novel - free event at Hove Library this Thursday

Three authors from Myriad Editions of Hove will read from their debut novels followed by a Q&A. The focus is on how they create suspense in their novels, and the importance of setting.

Where? Hove Library, Childrens Area
When? Thursday 17 June, doors 6.30pm for 7pm start
How? Free! But turn up early to avoid disappointment

Guns N' Roses Sweden Rock Festival 2010

I first heard Guns N' Roses when I was 11, back in 1993. A guy in my class at school played Paradise City at a music lesson and it changed my life. The simple refrain "Take me down to the paradise city
where the grass is green and the girls are pretty"
stirred something inside me. I started dreaming of a better life, of getting away from my small town and find my own Paradise City. And I did find it years later. In Brighton.

When W. Axl Rose got on stage last night at Sweden Rock Festival I was exstatic, and when he sat down at the piano playing November Rain I was almost in tears. It didn't matter that he was 50 min late, arriving in a helicopter. I could forgive Axl for anything at that moment ... Waiting in the cold June rain was worth it!

For the past few years I haven't listened that much to GN'R, but being at the concert brought back so many memories. I have memories to every single song. (Even the new ones, as Chinese Democracy was my soundtrack when I travelled in New Zealand.)

There's so much energy, so much attitude, so many feelings ... I still love Axl Rose!

PS. I also got the title for my Swedish novel from Guns N'Roses as somebody once described their music as "punk industrial hard rock with attitude"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N08jCj4ikkU

Greetings from Nässjö, Sweden

I can't believe that I've been in my hometown, Nässjö, for a week now. I thought I would have loads of time to write and read and walk. But I've ended up being very sociable catching up with family and friends.

Something that is a bit annoying though is that you can't even go out for a drink. There are no pubs in Nässjö. English people might think it's a joke, but it's true. The only pub there was has been closed for renovation for more than six months! So me and my friend had to go to the hotel bar that closed at 10.30pm and was empty apart from a few businessmen staying at the hotel ...

On the bright side though there's a yearly poetry festival in Nässjö. I've always missed it as I live in Brighton, and when I still lived here I was too young to appreciate poetry. Yesterday I saw some readings from some of Sweden's finest poets and there was also a brilliant poetry slam to finish the evening off.

Another bright thing is that my short story, Relax Johnny Boy, have some fun!, was accepted for the Are you sitting comfortably? Pyjama Party in the Brighton Basement next Saturday, 19 June. I was also happy to find out that one of James Burt's stories was accepted as well.



Today me and my brother are off to a festival outside Sölvesborg called Sweden Rock. Mainly to see my old hero W. Axl Rose ... Catch you later!

New Poem: Reversed Jealousy

CLICK HERE TO READ MY LATEST POEM.

Can you compete in writing?

In running it's obvious. The first person to cross the finishing line is the winner. It's neither subjective or objective. It's logic.

With writing it's a little bit different. The person who judges your work needs to feel some kind of connection, and even if she/he is trying to be objective it's about personal taste.

At the moment I'm planning to send work to the following competitions/live events:

*Are you sitting comfortably? Live Lit Event/Pyjama Party in the Basement Brighton. The topic is midsummer, and I've written a story about a guy feeling lost at Stonehenge called RELAX JOHNNY-BOY, HAVE SOME FUN. Deadline: 5th June, max 1000 words.

*Guardian Weekend Short Story Competition. I've written a story on the required summer theme about a father daughter relationship called THE HATS WE WEAR. Deadline: 18 June, max 2000 words.

*SPARKS 10, Live lit event, first Tue in July??? Open theme. Written a story called TOUCH ME LIKE YOU WOULD TOUCH HIM. Deadline: 22 June???, max 1000 words.

*Bridport Prize Open theme. I've written a story called CLEANING IN LINGERIE. Deadline: 30 June, max 5000 words. (Am also submitting a piece called HOW ENGLISH WORKS for the flash fiction competition, max 250 words.)

**Waterstones Quarterly Magazine Perfectly Formed Short Story Competition Is only open for unpublished writers, but I don't know if being published in Sweden will count, have emailed and asked, but no reply, so I'm sending them a story anyway, called LOVERS OF THE PLANET (that I originally wrote for a Short Fuse night). Deadline: 1 July, max 2000 words.

*Short Fuse Erotic Fiction Night, Live Event at Komedia 18 July. Don't know if I'm submitting anything yet ... Deadline: 9 July, max 2500 words.

*Short Fuse appearing at Edge of the Sea festival. Theme: write a story that is inspired by a song title by The Wedding Present. I picked I AM FROM FURTHER NORTH THAN YOU. Deadline: 10 July, max 2500 words.

So I actually have six stories on the go. Most of them are finished, or at least drafted. I just need some feedback so I can re-work them if necessary. (Which is almost always the case, another pair of eyes is invaluable!) I have a few regular people who kindly are helping me out, but I'm always in need of more eyes, so if one of the titles grab you let me know if you are willing to read and give feedback. I'll also announce each individual story on Facebook nearer the time. And if anyone reading this is planning to submit to above competitions/events or other places I'm happy to help you out with feedback in return.

I don't think you can compete in writing, or in any creative practise. It's so individual. Yet if you don't play you can't win ... One thing that's good with competitions is that I feel more motivated to finish a story and make it as good as I can.

Talking about competing ... Yesterday I went to Hanover Poetry Festival*, hosted by the brilliant Young Hanoverians, and at the end of the night they had a Poetry Slam (hosted by Hammer&Tongue's Rosy Carrick), that I somewhat reluctantly took part in. The poets get scored (points between 0.0 to 10.0) and are judged by quality of poetry, performance and audience reaction. If you are going to take part in slam you have to take it for what it is, and not be upset if you get low scores. It's not a valid judgment whether you're good or not - it's just what some individuals were thinking at the time. Same with written pieces ... just because you don't win a competition doesn't mean your story is bad. It could just be the judge being in a bad mood and didn't want to read a story about a woman killing her dog or whatever it is you've written. And you'll never know how close you were. That's the good thing I guess compared to say running. You'll know that you're the last person crossing the finishing line ...


*I had some cool pics, but lost my camera ... Probably when dancing in the Engine Rooms in the early hours of morning. The person who took it is probably having fun, seeing pics of people on stage making funny faces ...

Discipline: A Four Line Poem a Day

This weekend I met up with writer James Harris who lives in Berlin. (it was in Berlin we first met at a poetry event in 2006). Last year James started The Four Line Blog. Every single day* he writes a poem in only four lines. I think it's very impressive as all poems are good and well crafted. Anyone can write four lines on a piece of paper, but to make it into poetry takes some effort.

James also works in theatre, and works as a translator, therefore he doesn't have much time for writing at the moment, but this four line-discipline keeps him active as a writer.

For me discipline is the keyword to success. I believe that anything you do regularly and make time for is going to take you somewhere. Thanks to sticking to my average three hours a day I'm always producing something. However ... some days the words on my screen are so confusing, I couldn't even make a four line poem out of them ... I'm more the kind of person who writes as much as I can for three hours, and then I spend another three hours tidying up my mess and make it into literature.

*for some reason James missed to write a poem on Saturday. Could it be too many beers at the BBQ? :)

Loxdale Centre Re-Visited - England or Sweden?

Today I time-travelled. I was back at Loxdale Centre in Portslade, the place where I studied English for three months when I first arrived in Brighton back in 2001.

I was invited to do a talk/lecture that I called "Life after Loxdale". I talked about my "6 different lives" in Brighton. I've left Brighton 5 times and this is the 6th time I'm back ... I never left Brighton because I was unhappy here. There were other reasons: doing a writing course in Stockholm, having a novel published in Sweden, doing book promotion etc. and going travelling to Thailand & New Zealand.

A lot of the students (all Swedish) asked if I'm going to stay in England forever. I don't have an answer to that, but all I know is that Brighton feels like my home. It would be wiser to move back to Sweden as it would be better for my writing career (already being established and having a publisher that is asking for a second book), but at the moment I'm trying to move that writing career to the UK ...

(A writer should be able to live anywhere in the world, but nowadays being a writer includes doing a lot of public apperances and going to meetings and connect with other writers, so the best thing is to actually live in the country where your work is published.)

One thing I forgot to mention is that after 9 years on and of in the UK I still wake up every morning and feel a bit excited being here. It's not like travelling anymore, but there's still this sense of living in a different country where they eat different food and have different money etc. Every day is still a challenge. I still learn new words. I make sure to look up words I come across that I don't understand. Every day people still ask me where I'm from. I haven't worked on getting rid of my accent, because my intention is not to "become English". It opens up for a lot of interesting meetings being from another country and people are in general very impressed that I live and work and write and exist in a country and a language that is not mine.

And I'll never get used to some cultural things. The cheek kissing for example. When I first arrived I thought that if someone kissed my cheek it meant they really loved me! (In Sweden people barely hug, hand-shaking is the most popular way of greeting people.) Also I still find it weird if you go for dinner round somebody's house and they just give you a plate of food expecting you to be happy with the size of the meal. (In Sweden the pots are put on the table and everybody helps themselves.)

Lastly ... if you have two choices always go for the most difficult one. That's how you learn and develop yourself. It would be easier for me to live in Sweden, but I'd be bored ...

Hopefully I inspired some of the students to stay in England after their course is finished ... I would be very happy to this talk about how I ended up staying in England (and share tips on how to find a place to live and a job) at other language schools, so please contact me if you know any other schools that might be interested.

This was the second time I was back at Loxdale. To read about my first visit, please click here.

Short Fuse Story Salon

I was very happy to be part of Short Fuse Story Salon at Komedia yesterday. Writers were invited to submit stories that "pushes the boundaries of what a short story can be, and experiments in some way with voice or form."

The story I read is called EX LOVE, and is a very short poetic piece that uses a feeling as a narrator. Chris Callard who also read on the night had written a story called A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME with the subtitle: Memo: Revised Tritona Corporation company guidelines. The whole story was written as a protocol which I thought was a clever idea.

Before Chris and I went on, the big stars Tania Hershman and Dave Swann warmed up the stage for us by reading a few of their stories. The reason there was time for "a few" stories is that they both write flash fiction. Their pieces are normally just one or two pages long, which is quite fascinating as they still manage to grab you.

Their readings were followed by a discussion and Q&A from the audience. I made a few notes and one of the things I remember was the point that short story collections are harder work than novels because you have to muster up the energy to constantly meet new characters and environments. At the same they can be, to quote Tania: "a box of chocolates" waited to sampled. Also with short stories you might be able to read something that is really intense, because you know it's going to finish quite soon.

Tania and Dave are quite different in their approach to what they write about. Tania makes everything up (often inspired by articles in the New Scientist) whilst Dave starts with a real life experience and transforms it into fiction. (Even though he might start off writing about a tree and end up with a car.) He also "steals" stories from his friends. I feel that I'm more of a "Dave"-writer, but after listening to Tania I feel inspired to write out of my comfort zone.

Someone, it might have been Dave, posed the question: "What's the most important in a short story?" One of his students once replied: "Does anyone get eaten?" That could translate into is anyone in danger? It doesn't have to be literal danger, but something has to be at stake. A situation, a relationship etc.

Another interesting thing that came up is how people interpret stories. Once someone told Tania "I really like your one page story about lust." She had no idea which story the person was talking about ... And I think that's quite similar to poetry. Short stories and poems are more open for interpretation compared to novels. One person thought my story was about a one-night stand whilst someone else thought it was about a long relationship that had finished ... I thought the title EX LOVE made it obvious, but obviously not!

Vanessa Gebbie was also supposed to read and take part in the discussion, but unfortunately she fell over and hurt herself - in Sweden of all places ... At least we got a little flavour of her work as the organiser Tara Gould read one of her stories.

Judging a book: what makes good writing?

On Monday I went to a discussion/debate event, called "Judging a book: what makes good writing?", that was part of Brighton Festival. The people on the panel were: author Sue Eckstein, Myriad's Editor Vicky Blunden, literary agent Hannah Westland, Books Quartely's editor Ed Wood, and creative writing tutor Greg Mosse.

All of them said they were looking for something exciting and orginal. Something with a distinctive voice. Greg Mosse said that one of the things you can't teach is how to find your voice ...

It seems to be easier to talk about what makes bad writing. The panel agreed that bad books tell too much. A good book leave things out. That writing is about cutting and editing.

I don't think there is an answer. Writing is deeply personal and everybody's got a personal taste therefore all judging is very subjective. An agent is not going to represent you if she/he doesn't love your writing. How can you present something to publishers that you don't believe in yourself? It doesn't matter if a voice is original if it doesn't speak to you.

The last book I read that really excited me was The Bird Room by Chris Killen. It was interesting to read the very mixed reviews on amazon. Some people like myself absolutely loved it, while others didn't get the point.

The Bird Room is a short novel written in a very clever way. I was in love with the so-called voice of the narrator from the first chapter. The way he looks at the world and how his claustrophobic feelings are described. If someone had told me that Killen's novel is about an insecure guy who messes up his relationship and gets obsessed by porn I would probably not read it, thinking it sounded quite pathetic. So why do I like it so much then? It must be that damn voice. The way it's written: the sparse but beautiful descriptions and the use of modern technology like email and text messages and even the occasional drawing. But again that's not to everybody's taste.

So what makes good writing? It's up to you!

Free Your Voice

Last Sunday I did a voice/singing workshop at Evolution called Free your voice. The tutor was Alan Mars who practises the Alexander technique.

When I walked out from the workshop I didn't think and feel very much as it's often the case when I've done something quite intense; I feel empty. But the week that followed was very emotional for me. The workshop brought a lot of things up.

First of all I'm a person who has spent most of my life in my imagination and intellect. I'm not very connected to my body. If you know me well you know I've got complicated relationships with all bodily things including going to the toilet, eating and sex. I'm not very good at listening to my body's signals and I often find bodily things a nuisance, something that takes up my time. I'm also quite clumsy and find my body a burden, wishing I was more of a rhythmical person. (At gigs I never clap as I lose the beat!)

If you are a writer it might be an advantage to be disconnected from your body, but as the times are changing a writer is no longer a person who's locked away somewhere in a cottage never going out. You are supposed to do readings and engage with people. And that's one of the reasons I became a performance poet; it was a good way of being seen, a good way of saying Hey I exist.

Yet I've never paid much attention to my voice, my breathing and my posture. And those things are key when you are performing. It was very useful doing simple (but for me very complicated!) voice exercises like just singing the vowels and feeling the vibrations in the body. (Even though I could only feel my lip vibrate.) Also lying down in the Alexander posture (can't remember what it's called) made me aware of my posture and the full potential of my body.

On Monday morning I woke up finding myself singing! I never sing. (Only when very drunk.) I'm too embarrassed about my voice to even sing in the shower and when it's time for "Happy birthday" I just mime along hoping that nobdody's hearing me. But thanks to singing a few songs (some beautiful Celtic folk ballads) together at the workshop I opened up to the singer inside me again. I loved singing when I was younger, but stopped in my late teens when someone told me I was singing out of tune.

It would probably take several workshops for me to start singing in public, but at least this is a start. My goal is not to become a singer; I just want to be able to sing for fun. And it's very good voice practise, something that will make me a better performer. Some of my poems contain lines that could be sung. Watch this space ...

But at the moment I'm still focusing on short stories. My piece "Ex love" was accepted for the Short Fuse Story Salon Event!!! Come and hear me read it at Komedia on Sunday 9 May, 8pm. I'll try to be aware of my voice, my breathing and my posture.

Communication Dildos - New Poem

Click here to read a new poem by ... me :=)

Feedback very welcome!

Radio Free Brighton

Today I guested Polly's Arty Party Hour at Radio Free Brighton which has moved into a new studio under the bridge by Brighton Station.

I think it's a fantastic and welcoming community project where new as well as established artists in all areas get a chance to take part and develop their ideas. There are also recording and rehearsal studios that can be used for a small charge.

To talk about myself and my writing for a whole hour was just what I needed. A right ego boast (even if Polly pointed out that I was actually SHARING my experience knowledge skills etc.) Best of all - I got to pick my own music.

The show repeats tomorrow, Tuesday, 5pm. Tune in by clicking on this link: http://radiofreebrighton.org.uk/schedule/

You can't hide on the net

Sometimes I think I can get away with writing things on my Swedish blog that I don't necessarily want my English readers to know ... But I didn't take into account that there are some clever people out there, like James Burt, who use Google translate ...

Yesterday I wrote a very honest blog post (in Swedish) and today I got an encouraging text from James. First I thought how the hell did he know? Then he mentioned Google translate.

So now you all wonder what the f?!? I blogged about ... Well, you can go to my Swedish blog, copy it all and put it into Google translate, but I'll save you the trouble because I'm being kind.

***

She blogs less when she doesn't write. Because she blogs about writing there's no point in blogging when she doesn't write. She's twenty-eight years old and an award-winning novelist. In Sweden. In England she's nobody. Yet. She sent her manuscript REPLACING ANGEL to five agents. Five big agents. Everybody said no thanks to representing her. The agent she most of all wanted said no as late as Wednesday.

When the email with the agent's name popped up in her inbox she felt hot and cold at the same time and needed a poo. She was hoping for the agent to say that she wanted to see the full manuscript. (Usually you only send the first three chapters plus synopsis and cover letter and sometimes a CV). But the agent said:

"Thank you so much for sending me REPLACING ANGEL. I've taken a look and I'm afraid I don't think it is right for my list, but I wish you all the best in finding the right agent to represent you."

Which by and large was the same thing as the other agents said. But the positive thing was that this agent replied personally. The other agents replied through their assistants.

But Wednesday night there was no positivity in her life. She stuffed herself with a half big bar of chocolate and had thoughts about going to Beachy Head.

She didn't jump from the cliff. But she jumped to new hope by cleaning and sorting through all her cupboards and drawer and wardrobe. She took everything down from her walls. Instead of flyers postcards concert tickets and various other stuff she now stares at white surfaces.

Apart from clearing away her sorrow she has cut her hair for £9 and had another ear piercing done. Painted her nails she did too. To avoid thinking she concentrates on the physical. Her room. Her body.

Next week she's going to think again. Next week she'll get out the list with the five agents who will be next in line to receive her manuscript. She'll send it to five agents at the time until someone says yes. She'll never give up.

Thursday night she stayed up till one o'clock, answering emails/letters from the student at the school in Gothenburg she visited a month ago. Many asked how you go about finding yourself. Not by having more ear-piercings done that's for sure.

The most important thing is to find out what and whom you like and what and whom you DON'T like and ask yourself why. You find yourself by listening to your gut-feeling. And your heart. You find yourself by creating dreams and following those dreams.

To find yourself is harder than to NOT find yourself because it requires that you work on yourself. That you have to go down a few winding roads. Short cuts are just "long cuts" in the end.

And even if you've found yourself (as Louise thinks she's done) it happens that you lose yourself from time to time. Then you have to ask on. To find yourself is also to be aware of what you do and why you do it.

She's aware that she cleans every nook of her room and experiments with her appearance because she needs to focus on something physical before it's time to use her brain again.

And she's aware that her brother and her aunt will think that it's annoying to read about her in third person. But that's just another way of getting to know yourself. To look at yourself from the outside, to gain distance.

Miming Silence & Altered Egos

Last week I went to the official launch party of Bernadette Cremin's poetry collection Miming Silence. Watching Bernie perform inspires me, fills me with joy (despite depressing subject matters), and makes me believe in poetry even if I'm having some kind of break from the scene at the moment.

Here is a favorite line from the poem Mother's meeting:
"and I do love him (in a water-colour way)
but I envy the way he loves me."

What I admire the most about Bernie is that she seems so natural (even when she is in the role of different characters!) and is not afraid of taking the piss out of herself.

Bernadette is also doing a one woman show in the Fringe Festival called Altered Egos. The first show is Sunday 2 May and the second one is Sunday 9 May, 7.30 pm Iambic Theatre (above Bell, Book & Candle shop, but entrance Regent Street.) Don't miss it! Tickets are 2 for 1.

Is a writer a writer only when she/he writes?

I just read Vanessa Gebbie's blog post where she writes that she's going to take a break from writing for the first time in eight years due to her father not being very well. She says "It is odd not being a writer any more, for the moment. I am wandering around a bit aimlessly, feeling blank. A writer has to be someone who writes…not someone who thinks about it."

A doctor is a doctor even when on holiday. If you know how to save lives you don't walk past a bleeding person in the street. That's how I imagine it anyway. If what you do is your passion it's always going to be with you. Yet it can be hard to accept when you're not sitting in front of your computer typing words that make up sentences that make up paragraphs that make up stories or chapters.

I have hardly done any writing in the past two weeks due to having visitors from Sweden. It makes me feel restless, as if life has no real meaning apart from spending time with people you love and care about. And maybe that's the plain truth. Somebody gets ill and you care for them. Somebody visits and you spend time with them. Life is about relationships between people. Yet I think everybody benefits from having a real passion in life, something that makes you feel alive, something you can return to even if all your relationships are broken.

That's why I started to write in the first place; I felt that I didn't fit in anywhere and found it very difficult to hang out with people without acting, without analysing every conversation. Also I often feel bored with life and writing about it instead is an escape. For example once I went to a quiz night and I really hate quizzes because my general knowledge about things is not that good ... But instead of sitting there hating the quiz I decided to write a short story that somehow involved a quiz night.

Because I had nice visitors and enjoyed myself over the last couple of weeks I have nothing to write about. I wasn't bored and there was no major conflict. And now I don't feel like a writer because I don't even feel like writing at the moment. I have a few short stories on the go, but my heart is not in it 100% as with my novel. Short stories don't give me the same satisfaction as novels. I prefer to follow something for a longer period of time. It's a bit like the way I like to travel. I don't like going to a new place every day, sleeping in a different hostel every night. When I go travelling I prefer to go somewhere and spend at least a month in one place so I get a bigger picture.

So ... is a novelist a novelist only when she/he is physically working on her/his novel? No! I'm a novelist waiting for a reply from the agent that I really, really want. A waiting novelist is still a novelist. Once a writer always a writer. But you do feel better when you do more of the writing and less of the thinking. However ... breaks are necessary and good, and people are more important than words. Sometimes.

Sparkling stories at SPARKS

The first time I went to the live short fiction event SPARKS upstairs at Three & Ten in Brighton I thought wow these writers are really good and it's really cool that a photo has been commissioned to go with each story; I wish it was me up on the stage ...

Yesterday that wish came true. I was quite nervous as I've never read a short story on stage before. When performing poetry I memorise all my lines and feel in control; somehow I find it more nerve-wracking having to read something from a piece of paper - especially as I've got this fear of pronouncing the words wrong. Another fear was that I would have to read my story, STEAL FROM THE RICH AND GIVE TO THE POOR, in front of a picture of a nipple as my story features a woman who's lost a nipple to a drunk plastic surgeon ... Luckily the photographer had chosen another scene from the story - a girl writing in a cafe.

SPARKS is a friendly event - hosted by the welcoming and charismatic Jo Mortimer - and I always appreciate talking to other writers and hearing their work. When cycling home along the sea my head was full of story snippets: (love?) notes hanging from a tree, bloody feet in rubber boots, a hotel room in Cairo, a lizard in a mouth, a person suffering from seasonal affective disorder, a mother preparing herself for something difficult ... you name it!

***

Today I had some bad and good news. My story LOVERS OF THE PLANET was not accepted for the next Short Fuse event at Komedia (Wed 14 April), but the good news is that I was really, really close to having my story chosen. The only problem seemed to be that it was a bit too long as they need a variety of short and long stories for the evening. So it's not really bad news at all - I'm actually really happy. It also mean that I can go to Bernadette Cremin's official launch of Miming Silence at Iambic Theatre that happens the same night. As if that wasn't enough the Are you sitting comfortably? short story event at the Basement is happening the same evening as well ... Brighton is great! The choice of three good events in one evening is amazing compared to one half good event every other month in my hometown ... But I think I'll have to write a story soon about being able to be in three places at the same time ...

Photo: Saskia Wesnigk-Wood . Big thanks also to Tim who videoed the whole event.